I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
