wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
