I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
