I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
