He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
