Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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