You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
