So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
