Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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