I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
