covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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