imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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