A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
