foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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