i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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