Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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