Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Pooping to opera.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize