This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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