I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
