i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
