that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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