Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
