Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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