Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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