I look better un-naked...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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