you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my liver is dry heaving
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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