dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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