i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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