I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
