Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
