based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
