I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
