ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
