I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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