actually, I'm a sock model
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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