he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
