My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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