i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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