What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Randomize