4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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