): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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