I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
