"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
