I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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