yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
