those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
