When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
