I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Everything about him screamed your future.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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