That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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