marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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