even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
