Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
