ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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