this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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