lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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