Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize