my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
