I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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