Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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