I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize