May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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