ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
