A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
