Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
