He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
