Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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