There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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