Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you never un-have a 4some
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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