Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
