So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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