he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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