which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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