I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
